How much should you tip?

Tipping is so confusing these days. It feels like we’re asked to tip everywhere. I not only resent it, but I also don’t know what’s appropriate. Help me, Ms. MoCo—make sense of tipping today!

A coffee, a smoothie, a self-service sip.

Take it to go—but still give a tip?

15%? 20%? Custom? Or skip?

Reads the ubiquitous screen your cashiers now flip

It’s awkward, unseemly, before baristas so hip

Mulling a tip with our credit card chip. 

Alas, no tip jar? A vestige of this pre-digital trip

We do not like this, not one little bit!

Hello, friends. I’m writing from the Berkshires, from which we recently toured the Dr. Seuss museum in Springfield, Massachusetts, so I couldn’t help but pay tribute to the magic of the maestro in sharing your frustration on tipping.

Overtipping became a gesture of deep appreciation to workers risking their lives during the peak of the pandemic. But while COVID risks have receded, we got used to those services that sustained us, such as restaurant takeout and grocery delivery. At the same time, we’re newly confronted with screens at every purchase point in an increasingly cashless culture. In other words, we face exponentially more opportunities to tip, causing what some have dubbed “tipping fatigue.” A June report from the financial website Bankrate found that 30% of Americans feel “tipping culture has gotten out of control.” This year, just 65% of adults always tipped their servers at dine-in restaurants, down from 73% last year.

One friend, who runs the e-commerce for the boutique Bellies to Babies, deliberately removed a tip option for both in-person and online transactions. “While the tip would add to our bottom line, as owners we don’t think our store should be adding to the problem of ‘tip culture,’” says Avigail Maddox of Potomac. “The best tip someone can give us is a good review, being a lifelong customer, or a referral.” Another friend, who asked to remain anonymous because this subject is so touchy, says she feels pressured to leave 10% to 15% at quick-service transactions where she used to leave one or two dollars. “They’re staring at you asking for it, and it’s uncomfortable not to.”

Good news. Take back your agency—and common sense. With a quick transaction, say, self-serve fro-yo to go, think of the app like a tip jar for your discretion, says Diane Gottsman, etiquette expert from Texas, where we always take our cues for decorum and sensibility. Those folks earn hourly wages and don’t depend on tips like waitstaff do. 

So tip your waiters close to 20%—more if you linger at a table for a $6 breakfast, she says. She suggests 10% to 15% for takeout (news to me) and at least 15% for the sweaty food truck workers and food deliverers, especially those who brave inclement weather or heavy loads. 

“Everyone is talking about it like it’s a brand-new game, but it really isn’t,” Gottsman says. We are just getting out again and more exposed to a proliferation of places to tip. If you think the cost is too high to tip your hairstylist, “you’re probably at the wrong hair salon,” says Gottsman, who offers a tipping guide on her website, dianegottsman.com.

Bottom line: We live today in a gig economy, and lots, but not all, of our workforce relies on tips. Whether or not you balk at inflation or low wages or so-called “tip creep,” stiffing those workers only hurts them. A better way to use your two cents: If your restaurant service lacked luster, tip off the manager instead; even better, compliment outstanding service. You won’t believe how good you’ll both feel when that manager, bracing for a lambasting, melts with delight at your recognition. You’ll make anyone’s day with a tip, of course. But sometimes it’s gratuitous.

Got a question about life in Montgomery County? Ask Ms. MoCo by emailing [email protected].

This story appears in the September/October issue of Bethesda Magazine.